Letters From The Soul

when you’re truly in love…

JeanGrey — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 03:55:44 +0000

Here is a poem that I wrote when I went through an abusive relationship and then found my fiancee

Relationships aren’t prisons

Not even for a while.

Love isn’t a trap

And no one who says they love you should make you feel like crap.

No one deserves to be beat

or forced to kiss someone’s feet.

Love should be caring and leave you feel like flying.

When a man or woman loves you and you are crying

They should be willing to move the planets for you to cease.

When you love someone although problems will never stop

You both should be willing to give and take so that they will decrease.

No love is the same

so don’t look at how others love grows.

Because when you’re truly in love, you will be the one who first truly knows.

This is a guest blog post by EmmaB

Visit her blog at http://gettinpersonal.net

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The Neverending Story…

JeanGrey — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:31:47 +0000

In every story there’s a beginning and there’s an ending… In our relationship, it started when I was about to put my life to an END… but maybe God has a better plan for us… for me… that night I’ve got the chance to chat with you… but before I’ve started chatting on mIRC, I prayed to HIM asking if HE can send someone that would make me realize that this LIFE is still worth it. Then you came into my life and helped me see things in a different way. You were there when I was so down… You were there when I was so weak… You were there

when the most important person in my life hated me… You’re always been there for me and never get tired of me… For 3 years everything in my life seemed so perfect. You’ve given me so much… so much that I can’t ask for more because you’ve given me the best love and care that you could give. For 3 years that we’ve been together I thought that the happiness I felt with you would be endless. Not until one day that you have to go away for valid reasons. Of course, you have other things to do for your family. For 2 years we’ve been through a lot of trials… a lot of heartaches… a lot of arguments that make our lives to be so complicated. And now we’ve both realized our mistakes… I remember that I’ve made a promise to you… that no matter what happens I will never gonna give you up until my last breath… Years have passed and everything has changed completely… we may not be as lovers for now… but you will always have a special place in my heart…

I want you to know that no matter what happens I will always be here for you… I will wait for you until you come back home… I missed you girl… I missed you so bad…

In my heart I know it’s not yet the end of our story but this is just the beginning… I may not be the perfect lover for you… I may not be the right one for you but I want you to know that you are a part of my life and I wish that you will stay with me FOREVER even just a friend… my very special friend…

Please listen to the songs I’ve embedded here… It will bring back the good memories that we’ve shared together… I know someday time will heal our wounded hearts… Please let me say I love you for one last time… “I love you girl…” Take care always…

For Honey…

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What is Love???

JeanGrey — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 03:08:14 +0000

We all have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorizing the sum total of human experience. My own experiences make me a fair way short of being a whore by commonly accepted standards although I am still relatively young at 26.

Starting at the beginning - not with a definitive definition of love but rather with my personal definition, as this is the only one I can reasonably give. Love is a connection. However, it is a different connection to any other. Whether we are conscious of it or not we all form connections with those around us, our friends, family, partners, and even sometimes fleeting ones with complete strangers. A separation of attachments is something that has evolved and is sometimes blurry.

Love in its broadest sense can be applied to all these connections. People love their friends and they love their kin but normally in a platonic way. So, is love just another emotional connection plus sex? Yes and no. Lust is an important part of love. It is in no way shallow to say that you must lust after your partner in some-way, it is just a fact. Remove lust and all you are left with is a close friendship. However, with just lust you are left with, in effect, a one night stand. Speaking personally I often find personality traits sexually interesting. To my mind some of the un-sexist people are often society’s deified icons of sex. Models, for example, often have disturbingly vacant eyes… something which turns me decidedly off. Loving somebody involves spending time with them outside the bedroom so it has to involve more than lust.

It’s supposed monogamous nature is one of the great love myth’s. Why is it perfectly socially acceptable to love more than one person in a friendship sense but not in a partner sense? Truly loving more than one person in a lifetime is entirely possible and, although I have no statistical proof, is most likely the norm. I have told a few people I love them and meant it because each time it has been in a different way and for different reasons. Some may turn out to be more loved and more treasured than others but that doesn’t lessen the sincerity of what I said in my eyes. As Shiloh, one of my ex’s, rather flatteringly said when we were splitting up I am blessed or cursed - depending on how you see it - with: “an ocean of love”. This is true of most people although right now with the world as it is you would be hard pushed to believe it.

Sad to say but sacrifice is also an important part of love too. It is also a necessary part. Acts of sacrifice play an important and often inspirational part in human culture because to a degree, greater or lesser, it involves us overcoming aspects of our own, innate, nature. If love was all about just the good times then it would not be half as treasured as it is. Of course, they must be those too but a view of love as just this, that it comes with no effort or sacrifice without obligation or responsibility, is not rounded but idealistic and blinkered. Ideals are fine but like everything else they always carry within them there own negation, there own negative.

Some would say love itself is an ideal and there is some truth to this but like most truth’s its one-sidedness it fails to recognize the very real experience of billions upon billions of people who are in a very real state called love. Here we find my ultimate defense of love. It’s real. It happens. Whether we have been in it or merely observed it nobody can deny that. I have just attended a wedding of two of my friends. Could you ask for any more tangible proof of actually existing love? Whatever happens to them in the future, and I sincerely wish nothing, in the moment of there marriage there is a proof of actually existing love that is tangible. It is as real as these words or the chair you are sitting on.

Anything that is capable of inspiring great good is also capable of inspiring great evil and vice versa - although things are harder that way, it is easier to destroy than create for example - and so it is with love. It has been with us in some form from when we were nothing but another animal and will remain with us until the sun sets on the ruins of our civilization. No matter how many times I get burnt - and no doubt there will be more - to me, love will always remain one of those great things that cut to the very essence of what we are as a species, something that makes us truly human.

Contributed by : Darell

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Our Backgrounds Were So Different…

JeanGrey — Thu, 22 May 2008 07:25:52 +0000

When we met several years ago, we immediately loved each other’s company. But there was little hope that we could share a successful future together. Our backgrounds were so different.

He came from a country far away from mine. We spoke completely different languages. Our cultures were not at all similar–his male-dominated, mine not. Besides these huge cultural differences, he was… always unique in an artist–scientist kind of way (not surprising, as he is both). It seemed he contradicted many qualities society says a young woman should look for in a partner. Instead of being socially charismatic, he told odd jokes that drew puzzled stares. Instead of having a great job, he was unemployed due to his visa status. Instead of dressing stylishly, he often wore clothing that wasn’t even in season! Rather than following the latest headlines and politics, he didn’t even know the name of famous actors and actresses. Yet, he was smart, kind, handsome, and balanced.

If we got married, I knew he would have a hard time finding a job due to his lack of English language skills. I knew we were going to have culture clashes over things like raising children and doing housework. I knew we might not be able to make it work.

Yet, I never met another person quite like this man. He is the quintessential artist—creative, verbally not very expressive, and private. He is also the eternal diplomat–soft-spoken, always avoiding conflict, and somehow attains fairness and respect in all situations. Everyone who meets him loves him, though almost no one is lucky enough to really know him. But I was. And I didn’t take that lightly.

For several years after getting married, we had a very difficult time. Heart-heartbreakingly difficult. I knew life would be challenging… But I didn’t expect it to be quite THAT challenging. Many times it seemed we had both learned a hard lesson about why not to take the path less taken, especially in love.

Fortunately, the opposite has turned out to be true. Ten years later, my husband is still the love of my life. We have two beautiful children, one on the way, and each successful careers—his in the movie industry and mine in writing. From our path together, I have learned a few things:

There is no reason for me to listen to other people when I already know what’s right for me.
I need not take societal limits too seriously–many people truly believe that many things are impossible in the way of love, money, and everything else–but in reality, these boundaries are simply beliefs, not facts.
It is important to figure out a way to deal gently with those moments that could everything away—especially in marriage but also in a job, family, or other scenario. For me, one of those solutions is humor. Another is knowing what is and isn’t important to me. My husband has taught me a lot about both.

I still enjoy the adventure of marriage and partnership. Along the way, other peoples’ stories have helped me immensely. More than anything though has been learning to laugh at the little things, and understanding that many things are about as little as I decide they will be.

Contributed by : Holly Kay

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http://www.husbandclothes.com

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Parable of the Beach Ball

JeanGrey — Thu, 08 May 2008 22:43:39 +0000

When I was a boy, I practically lived in the pool during the summer. I loved to go to the pool and spend the entire afternoon swimming races against the other kids, diving for coins and playing endless games of Marco Polo. Some days, one of the kids would bring a beach ball along to the pool. We amused ourselves by throwing it across the pool toward one another, trying to get the ball to land on their side of the floating lane rope but as far away from an opponent as possible. After a while, we noticed that even if neither one of us caught be ball, it never sank. Soon, our game changed into “sink the ball.” The object of the game was to see who could hold the ball under the water the longest without bursting it. The winner was who ever kept it down the longest. We were determined to keep the ball under the water. No matter how hard we tried, the ball always came up. We held it down under the water and it would go to the one side or the other trying to get past us to return to the surface. The ball always managed to escape one way or another. Even the water seemed to know it didn’t belong and tried to push it up onto the surface. So powerful was the upward push of the ball to thrust itself out of the water that sometimes we even let it go just to watch it come up. The deeper we pushed the ball down, the faster, higher and more explosive was its return to the surface.

In life, it’s easy to feel like that beach ball. Many times, people will see you as a plaything to be tossed about and vollied back and forth at their pleasure. People will try to exert their power over you and make you do what they want; to make you go where they want. Sometimes they even try to push you down and take sport in keeping you subdued “under the water.” In spite of their efforts, there is that same driving force deep within you that will push you out of the water and out of the reach of those who would hold you down and thrust you onward and upward into a better place under the sun.

When you reflect upon the parable of the beach ball, you will find in yourself a way to outsmart the hands that are holding you down. You will find a way to tap into that inner force that drives you upward to a higher plane, and eventually, you will break free from the hands of those who hold you down and will launch yourself out of the water. Your upward rise will be quick, powerful, spectacular and impressive. It will show the world that you are a force to be reckoned with.
That driving force can be found in every human being. It is the indomitable spirit which drives humanity to overcome injustice, to care for the vulnerable and to create objects of beauty. It is the force that inspires men to search out new technology; the force that drives mankind to connect with its past and build a future. It is the force that draws families together and brings men to seek out their creator.

In your life, strive to connect with that inner force. Sometimes you will find yourself in depressing, sad, or even down right oppressive circumstances, but if you remember to look for the good in every circumstance, if you will strive to be answer other’s negative actions with kindness, you will find that inner peace and you will find that your spirit will be set free and you will be launched into a higher state of happiness and peace. Just as the beach ball sped to the surface of the swimming pool when we held it down as kids, your spirit will propel you to a higher, happier, more peaceful plane and those around you will see your light shining above them as an example of how men should be. You will enjoy life more, and your new found enlightenment will bring you to make many enjoyable memories as you experience the fruit of a happy soul.

Contributed by : Texaiano

Visit Texaiano’s blog at

Fotofamilymemories.com - What can your memories do?

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Move on…

JeanGrey — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 16:42:50 +0000

Love is precious
Love can make you smile
And hurt ones in a while…

I fear that one day
I’ll see go and step away
Here now I’m waiting ’til I may move on
Here now hopin’ that you’d make me strong…

But… All we’ve received is pain
As we both don’t want to love again
Don’t love in a way to fall for each other
Don’t love in a way to forget one another…

Move on… But is this right?
I tried but… but these sleepless nights…
I’m remembering what we’ve been through
Those times we said, `I love you`…

You said that you hate me
You don’t want to talk to me
But don’t let go of everything
Don’t let go.. of everything…

I see you happy with someone right now
I’m glad to said that that I didn’t made it…
I failed you, I failed `us`…
And to be hurt now Baby, it seems I must…

Weird words now been spoken
By my wounded heart and soul
Full of pain and frustration…
As I must move on, after all…

Contributed by : Kevin Paquet

Visit Kevin Paquet’s blog at

http://www.kevinpaquet.com

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Setting Boundaries with Loved Ones

JeanGrey — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 22:03:31 +0000

It is so hard sometimes as a father of three and husband to not offend people. We have two sets of in-laws who are always eager to have us visit on holidays. The trouble begins when they both expect us to be there. Since they live 80 miles apart, it makes going both places nearly impossible. Feelings sometimes get hurt when we go to one family’s house in place of the other. We have felt really bad before when one family really wanted us there and sort of let us know that later through what you might call a “guilt trip lite.” For me as a dad, it’s really easy to get angry. I mean, I have my lovely wife and kids to think about and protect first before I start trying to please anyone else. I think that is how I get through the holidays, I get a little bit of an attitude. I wonder if that is a kind thing? Like I said before… I guess it doesn’t really matter because my wife and kids come first. Today I called my mom, she’s 62, and told her very politely that we wouldn’t be driving down to her house on Easter (the day after tomorrow). It was so sad because you could hear the disappointment in her voice: “Not at all?” she replied. I got into a long speech about how things have been busy for the family and that the girls (aged 9 months and 3 years) both had runny noses and bad coughs. Nothing really seemed to convince her. She ended up being very kind though and said she understood. The truth is, we just want to have our own family Easter this year. This has been a rough year for me because I lost my Grandpa, who was really my mentor and like a third parent to me growing up. When he died last month, it was overwhelming to me. How could someone so strong die? I felt sadness in a way I haven’t ever felt it before. It’s times like that when you are forced to choose to let the sadness overwhelm you or to turn it into a positive thing. My mom was very sad we couldn’t come over on Easter, but ultimately she accepted it and encouraged me to have a great Easter with my family. As a result, I will be having a restful Easter giving my kids the strength of a dad just like my grandpa gave me so much strength the years he was with me. I think when family members put demands us, they do it for good intentions. The problem is that those intentions can cause bad feelings in us: they can DRAIN us of energy. This does no one any good, even them. For this reason, I recommend you do what my wife and I do: be firm and loving but say no. It is so hard to do that I know. Some parents/family will not be as understanding as mine was about this but you still have to do it. Whether you are married, have kids, or if you are just a single person, there will come times when your family will put undue pressure on your. Remember to love them but more importantly to love yourself enough to set healthy boundaries that keep you and your loved ones healthy. Sometimes that means saying no to trips over the holidays. Boundaries are healthy on a ski slope or between states, so why do we shy away from them in relationships? Probably because it is easier said than done. How are you at setting boundaries with loved ones?

About the guest blogger: Damien Riley, author, teacher and dad, is a dedicated pop culture and news watcher.

His blog, Postcards from the Funny Farm, covers topics including teaching, inspiration, humor, and psychology. http://rileycentral.net/wordpress

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Three truths I know about God that I didn’t learn in Religion class

JeanGrey — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 23:22:56 +0000

This is a guest blog post by Wendy Lopez

As a kid, I imagined God to be a gigantic bearded old man with a deep angry voice. In his hand is a thunderbolt ready to strike anytime we do something bad. My very first ideas about God sparingly came from two things- my Religion class in school and Saturday mornings of the cartoon “Superbook.” I remember this episode where God became so pissed with the Israelites that he struck them with disease resulting in massacre of the entire generation! That horrified me. So when I was “bad” I would “sacrifice” a short story I’ve carefully handwritten by tearing it to pieces hoping to appease God’s anger.

In Religion class, I got the impression that he likes people who speak softly, eat only vegetables and wear really uncomfortable layers and layers of clothing. And to be able to talk to him, you need to have some sort of “stigmata”. Living on clouds high above us, I saw God as an unreachable being. He sometimes just fancies to talk to persons like that of I described.

At a young age, I felt a strong sense discontent in life. My parents required me to have good grades so that I can land a high paying job and have everything I want. That didn’t quite appeal to me. So what if I have all the money in the world? Is life entirely about that? Have ever felt that you’re just going around circles- sometimes your up sometimes you’re down and it just goes round and round? I felt like life was just an exhausting cycle of ups and downs. There has to be more to life, I thought. Despite the distorted picture I had of God, I BELIEVED that he controlled everything and had the answers to life’s questions. After all, he’s supposed to be the “supreme being”. So I decided to give my life to God hoping to find meaning in life.

That was 13 years ago. Surely, I made the right decision to dedicate my life to Him. He continually transforms me everyday to be the best that I can be. I’ve also debunked my wrong ideas about Him. I guess when you’re interested in someone its not enough just to hear stories or read about them. A relationship is necessary. The following are three things I know to be true about Him.

He is closer than we think.

God is an awesome being whose thoughts and ways are entirely different from ours. It is impossible to completely understand and reach Him. Nevertheless, He still wants us to be close to Him! So bad that He sent His son, Jesus to show us His ways and WHO He is. And when Jesus resurrected, He gave His Holy Spirit to guide us in following Him. That Spirit will dwell in all who decide to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Therefore, I can say that God is always with me! I can talk to Him anytime and anywhere (people call this prayer). Yes, even though I wear normal clothes and I enjoy eating meat, He is interested in me and wants ME to KNOW Him more. I can confide in Him my secret thoughts! In fact, I consider Him my best friend. You might find it kind of “schizo” to actually talk to someone you can’t physically see but it all starts with simply BELIEVING that He hears you and you’ll be surprised how He will answer. He is that undeniable still small voice you will hear in your heart.

He wants me to be happy.

Unfortunately, we tend to look for happiness and love in the wrong places and wrong things. I have many wants and needs myself. All of us have endless prayer requests we want God to answer. I see two reasons why He does not readily give us what we ask for- either it is not good for us (acquiring it will only lead to harm) or we are NOT YET READY to handle it. I believe that once we ask for something, He prepares our hearts and minds to handle the blessing so we can enjoy it even more! All fathers want to see their children happy and satisfied. God is certainly no different. But ultimately, He wants us to realize that true happiness can only be found in seeking and loving Him and not in gaining all our wants. Years ago, I prayed for me and my ex-boyfriend (who already had another girlfriend that time) to get back together. It was all that I wanted more than anything else. But God said I will find true love in the right time. While waiting, I drew closer to Jesus by praying, and reading the Bible. In doing so, I found out that loving Him is where true happiness is found! And that He is all that I need and want. He alone satisfies me! Eventually, He gave me my heart’s desire. I met my current husband, Butch with whom I am head over hills in love with. I’m also a gazillion times happier with him than I ever was with my ex!

Though life may throw all sorts of crap at me, He will always see me through.

As a teen-ager, I faced many problems I couldn’t cope with. As a result, I suffered from depression.

Life will never stop throwing challenges at us. Sometimes problems even become too overwhelming. Because of this many turn to sex, drugs, alcohol, food, smoking and other addicting habits for comfort and escape. In my case my addiction was SLEEPING and writing gloomy short stories and poetry. During those times, nobody understood me- I felt completely ALONE. Sleep was my escape and writing was my outlet. When I dedicated my life to God, I noticed a change in the way I handled problems. I got over my addiction to sleep because I had the strength to face life’s difficulties. As He guided me to resolve it, I felt His presence encouraging and keeping me strong. I also stopped writing depressing stuff because I no longer felt dejected! Now, whatever problems I may face, I am confident that I will surmount it because HE is with me! I will never be alone!

There is so much more I’d like to tell you about Him. My life is an adventure of knowing and loving God. He is always inviting us to draw closer to Him because He is all that we need. Through the years, the Bible was and continues to be my guide in discovering who He is. All the things I shared are based on this life-giving book. Looking back I saw how wrong I was to think that he is indifferent and punishing. I thought he held a thunderbolt but instead I saw nail-scared hands that transforms and loves me unconditionally.

Guest Blogger: Wendy Lopez

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Is There Hope After a Breach of Trust?

JeanGrey — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:27:30 +0000

This is a guest blog post by Mathe Baniaga

There are people who are naturally forgiving, lenient and understanding. They make the perfect half of a relationship – whether it be romance or simply friendship. These kind souls are quick to open themselves to an erring partner or friend again, and again, and again. I dare say that they are the bravest of all because they have the courage to expose themselves to possible hurt and pain just one more time.

Zeroing in on a romantic relationship, it is quite an interesting thing to consider how the bond mutates or gets transformed after an act of infidelity – a violation of trust if you like. The ball will definitely be on the erring partner’s side and the way he or she plays it will determine whether the relationship survives or will die a sorry death.

Sometimes, remorse is not enough. A cooling off period may be beneficial to allow the aggrieved party to heal, think and reconsider. Weighing of the options comes next, as both parties decide whether there is merit in rebuilding the ruined trust or totally abandoning the prospect of life as a couple altogether.

At this stage of a relationship, efficient communication and maturity are vital in order to sort things out and if all else fail, to part ways without too much anger. This is easier said than done, particularly for the aggrieved party. That is why it is up to the erring partner to play it right by being calm, composed, gentle and contrite. Dousing the aggrieved partner’s fury with penitent acts usually works, coupled with a humble acceptance of his or her wrongdoing, not to mention a promise to remain faithful henceforth.

Nothing is more hurtful for someone whose trust has been betrayed, than to be blamed for the other partner’s act of infidelity. While there may be some truth to the accusation (i.e., she is not as loving and attentive to his needs anymore), if an erring partner wants to salvage the relationship, he or she should not mention that at this critical point. There are other ways and opportunities to bring up the matter – when the problem at hand has been resolved.

A solid foundation of trust, respect and assurances of love proves to be very helpful also if a relationship has to survive a trying time like infidelity of one of the partners. The erring partner always has the past track record of faithfulness to back his or her claim that what happened with the third party was not pre-meditated and that it was not meant to be taken seriously. Of course, the effectiveness of this wears off if the offender keeps on being unfaithful.

Having said all these, the single most important thing for the couple to consider after one of them is unfaithful, is the worth of the relationship as against the single act of infidelity. Is the relationship worth saving? If both partners are completely convinced that it is worth trying, then this should be their common goal, regardless of the feelings at hand. Again, this is easier said than done, because during such times, emotions would run feverishly high and usually overwhelm logic and reason.

That is why the erring partner should do everything in their power to restore a semblance of respect and trust for them in the aggrieved party, in order for both of them to move forward in salvaging the relationship. Having the survival of the relationship as the ultimate goal, gives them an anchor and an objective so that they will not be buffeted by the “storm” that is the act of infidelity.

One very important thing for the erring party to do, given that they both want to save the relationship, is to cut all ties or means of communication with the third party, making the aggrieved party understand that it is over beyond reasonable doubt. It is surprising how people who have been hurt “calm down” after such assurances, and achieve a more sober mood which is what exactly is needed in order to think more rationally.

At the end of the day, the quality and worth of the relationship as far as the partners are concerned, will determine whether it is worth saving at all. If it has been a gem of a bond all along, such a momentary trial should strengthen it all the more, making both parties strongly realize that they cannot afford to lose it. On the other hand, if it is not that valuable, then, this particularly tough time would bring the fact to the fore and will spell the end of it in the blink of an eye.

Guest Blogger: Mama Mathe

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thank you hon… Happy 4 years and 9th monthsary…

JeanGrey — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 02:23:09 +0000

Letters From The Soul

when you’re truly in love…

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The Neverending Story…

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What is Love???

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Our Backgrounds Were So Different…

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Parable of the Beach Ball

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Move on…

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Setting Boundaries with Loved Ones

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Three truths I know about God that I didn’t learn in Religion class

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Is There Hope After a Breach of Trust?

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thank you hon… Happy 4 years and 9th monthsary…

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